RSSWhat Type of ‘parenting Helicopter’ are You?
Feb 11
Parental Care Helicopter, parenting, Type No Comments
The gunship helicopter
This type of parent swoops down and fights battles for their young adult. This is typically the type of helicopter parent which school staff and employers find the least helpful. Otherwise known as the “pushy parent”, they do their child’s homework and argue with teachers about their child’s less than stellar performance evaluations.
The traffic helicopter
This parent provides guidance for their young adult, and helps direct them to make appropriate decisions throughout their lives. The difference between this version and the gunship helicopter is that the traffic helicopter allows teenagers to make their own journey.
The rescue helicopter
The function of this kind of parent is to either pull their young adult out of a crisis situation and bring them to safety, or bring supplies to help get them back on their feet. Tends to be the sort of parent who sends online shopping to their child when they arrive at boarding school or university – and carries on doing it for years. Can end up writing his or her CV when it all goes wrong.
‘Helicopter parents’ hinder children’s learning
The headmistress of a leading girls’ school has warned that “helicopter parenting” is preventing children from growing into healthy, self-sufficient adults. Vicky Tuck, the principal of Cheltenham Ladies’ College, claims that some mothers and fathers are hindering their child’s ability to learn and become self-sufficient because they are constantly hovering overhead, supervising and directing.
The trend towards parents confiding in their children and treating them like mini-counsellors is also preventing children from being carefree and learning from their mistakes, she believes. The “least selfish thing” a parent can do for their child was send him or her to boarding school, she told The Daily Telegraph. “Growing up is a slow process with ups and downs.
Children need to work out who they are, with a lot of support, but not in an intrusive way,” said Mrs Tuck, whose school charges boarding fees of £24,528-a-year for girls aged 11 to 18. The term “helicopter parenting” was coined by Madeleine Levine, an American clinical psychologist, who claimed in her book The Price of Privilege: “Kids are unbearably pressured not just to be good, but to be great; not just to be good at something, [but] to be good at everything. ”
The rise of the mobile phone is often blamed for the explosion of helicopter parenting – it has been called “the world’s longest umbilical cord”. Parents point to rising school and university fees and say they are just protecting their investment or acting like any other consumer. But Mrs Tuck claims that parents are filling their child’s life with so many activities that children are “multi-tasking” at a very young age, while the parents’ tendency to “helicopter” leaves their child stressed and anxious.
She said: “We like girls to have a go at things here, but then to choose a few things they can pursue in depth. You will get much more gratification from a few things pursued with commitment and which you have a grasp of.
” Mrs Tuck, who has sons aged 21 and 24, said that there was a genuine anxiety among parents to make sure their child was “pumped with physical, cultural and intellectual stimulation – a feeling they will only develop if they are constantly active”.
Experts say the phenomenon of “smother love” has become an epidemic among babyboomers. However, some academics say that the tendency can be maximised to the good. Cary Anderson, of the University of Philadelphia, insists “helicopter parenting” isn’t always a negative thing – “it just depends on the helicopter”.
He claims that it is the “logical next step” when faced with a generation of students who rely on parents for advice and who actually listen to them, rather than rebelling in their teens and early 20s. He advises parents to reinvent their role by becoming a “traffic helicopter” and helping their child to cultivate more independence. He said: “You want to talk to them about where the pitfalls are and what the best route to follow is, but it’s ultimately the driver who makes the decision. “
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